Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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