Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
