So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
