I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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