yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
