I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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