mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
