College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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