I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I could make wine with my vomit
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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