Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
