He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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