How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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