idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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