I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
