Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
