I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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