can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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