im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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