I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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