dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
