I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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