I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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