The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
