So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im part way to drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
