I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
