Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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