somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
