i think my tv is drunk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
