You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
