sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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