I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
