We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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