Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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