How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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