you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
