She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
