: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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