New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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