I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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