3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
