Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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