i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
