so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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