He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
