I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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