In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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