last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
