you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
