so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
