Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
