I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
