I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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