Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
