He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
